A Rapist in Your Way

What a powerful call last week. Thank you so much for bringing so much honesty and vulnerability to the topic of addiction. Addiction to substances. To pornography. To work. All of the ways in which we run away. All of the ways in which we fail to be available.

Shame loses its grip when we speak of it aloud. We left that call feeling more free.

It is a real honor to build community with the likes of you. This is how we become better men.

These calls are always confidential, but a participant shared something truly powerful last call, so I share it here with his permission. 

Grateful to Tom Kruse in our group. Who had just landed from Chile that morning. He brought “Un Violador en Tu Camino” to our attention. And I’m still shook by the power of it.

It seems impossible to grasp the true scale of femicide across the world. Women and girls are raped, trafficked and murdered with impunity. The impact of patriarchy is harrowing. And the response of women across Latin America has been truly inspiring.

During our call we asked the question: What would it be like if we, men, took to the streets at this scale? On behalf of women. Fulfilling our archetypal role of protector. Heeding the wisdom of our ancestors.

I am curious to see what emerges from this burgeoning movement of men’s groups. I am listening. And I am willing.

I am moved by Tom’s words as we closed our circle. “If we keep showing up like this, if we keep doing the deep work, then I believe we can do it, we can do something this big in the world.”

I agree.

The text in Spanish and English follows. And here is the link again.

El patriarcado es un juez
que nos juzga por nacer,
y nuestro castigo
es la violencia que no ves.
El patriarcado es un juez
que nos juzga por nacer,
y nuestro castigo
es la violencia que ya ves.

Es femicidio.
Impunidad para mi asesino.
Es la desaparición.
Es la violación.

Y la culpa no era mía, ni dónde estaba ni cómo vestía.
Y la culpa no era mía, ni dónde estaba ni cómo vestía.
Y la culpa no era mía, ni dónde estaba ni cómo vestía.
Y la culpa no era mía, ni dónde estaba ni cómo vestía.

El violador eras tú.
El violador eres tú.

Son los pacos,
los jueces,
el estado,
el Presidente.

El Estado opresor es un macho violador.
El Estado opresor es un macho violador.

El violador eras tú.
El violador eres tú.

Duerme tranquila, niña inocente,
sin preocuparte del bandolero,
que por tu sueño dulce y sonriente
vela tu amante carabinero.

El violador eres tú.
El violador eres tú.
El violador eres tú.
El violador eres tú.

The patriarchy is a judge
that judges us for being born
and our punishment
is the violence you don't see.

The patriarchy is a judge
that judges us for being born
and our punishment
is the violence you can see.

It's femicide.
Impunity for my killer.
It's disappearance.
It's rape.

And the fault wasn’t mine, not where I was, not how I dressed.
And the fault wasn’t mine, not where I was, not how I dressed.
And the fault wasn’t mine, not where I was, not how I dressed.
And the fault wasn’t mine, not where I was, not how I dressed.

The rapist was you.
The rapist is you.

It's the cops,
The judges,
The state,
The president.

The oppressive state is a macho rapist.
The oppressive state is a macho rapist.

The rapist was you.
The rapist is you.

“Sleep calmly, innocent girl,
Without worrying about the bandit,
Over your sweet and smiling dream
watches your loving cop.”

The rapist is you.
The rapist is you.
The rapist is you.

The rapist is you.