Being Perfect

WE HOLD A MEN’S CALL EVERY MONTH. SIGN UP FOR CALL-IN DETAILS

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I was talking to a woman friend about a mutual male friend of ours who seems to be on the brink of blowing up his relationship. She described what she could hear as his negative self-talk: 

“There’s so much pressure on me in this relationship. To show up consistently and provide all the time. I don’t want to fail, and I know I can’t be perfect.”

And so we freeze. We back off. We blow up some of the most important things in our lives. Some of the most important relationships. Because we are afraid to fail.

Conscious masculinity is about showing up consistently. It is about “providing” presence, care, clarity, courage, strength. But it is not about being perfect. It is about the journey there.

It is more important to measure ourselves against who we were yesterday than against who somebody else is. More important to gauge the steadiness of our own progress than to compare ourselves against our ultimate ideal. 

It is essential to have an ideal. It is key to have an aim. But it is a mistake to be paralyzed by the perfect. It is better to think of what we are instead of what we are not. It is better to focus on what we are becoming and not get lost in what we have been. 

Don’t experience it as pressure. Experience it as a call.