What it means to be a man
It has to be ok to recognize that men are in trouble without it feeling like we are not acknowledging the sins of patriarchy. We can understand that men are in a bad way without denying the ongoing dangers of toxic masculinity.
Men are in trouble. This is why we are working so intently on discovering and embodying the ways of conscious masculinity. We live in a world that badly needs it.
This month we briefly pause our slow study of “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover” to spend some time contemplating a piece titled: Broken Men in a Broken World: The Last of Us, God of War and The Banshees of Inisherin by Alex Benier.
I’ve been following the work of Alex Benier for years, first through his work with Rebel Wisdom and now through his substack, “The Bigger Picture.” It is in fact the only substack I pay money to subscribe to (so far! I think we need to support the people who are helping us find better ways of being-with.)
I don’t have enough heterodox thinkers in my life. Most of the people I am in deep relationships with are folks who tend to affiliate with a progressive or social justice ideology. But I am a person who already went through the work of freeing myself from the religious fundamentalism of my upbringing. So I am also committed to being as free as possible from ideological fundamentalism. The kind of fundamentalism that leads us to find “friends” and “identity” by bunkering ourselves down simple-minded and cruel groups that beget Cancel Culture on one side and MAGA Mobs on the other.
Benier is one such heterodox thinker. And he has been in productive conversations with thinkers all across the ideological divide. He co-created Rebel Wisdom’s New Masculinity Retreat, a very popular and widely covered effort to help men inquire into what it means to be a man. He found that many men feel lost and confused around the very question: What does it mean to be a man
He says that:
“Unless we can meet [this] complexity head on in our storytelling, [young men] will listen to stories told by people like Andrew Tate, whose messages of narcissism, misogyny and regression offer up a flaccid mimicry of genuine strength and dignity. So what does it look like to move toward a new story of masculinity? One that can hold the complexity of traditionalism and progressivism and draw on the best of both? And can we see it emerging anywhere in our films, TV shows and games today?”
Benier goes on to take a deep dive into current cultural explorations of masculinity, each taking a different angle. He focuses on a film, a game, and a tv show, to show us where we are making headway and where we find ourselves stuck in this effort to find out what it means to be a man in a broken world.
I deeply resonate with Benier and his way of thinking. I am happy to introduce his work to you. And here I am especially pleased to present an essay that focuses on culture as a way to tackle this central concern of our Better Men Project.
Please read with care.
Come with questions you want to explore more deeply.
Come ready to share ONE core insight that strikes something within you
And come ready to reflect on any provocation that is helping you understand what you think is true and untrue in the words Benier is sharing.
Looking forward to being with you on Monday, March 6!
Saludos,
Gibrán
PS: I have a birthday tomorrow, and it will be so good if you take a minute right now to share your feedback bout the Better Men Project. About these notes that arrive in our inbox. And about our community and monthly calls, if you are one of our participants. We’d love to use your words on our website. Or, just pay attention to your ideas on how to make it better. Just reply to this e-mail.
PSS Please share with your friends, and invite them to subscribe to our list, even if they are not quite ready to join our meetings, they can stay abreast of these reflections.